In addition to the excitement that comes with dating someone new, the first few dates are often fraught with unspoken questions about the future – such as “where is this going?” or “do we have a future together?”
But, at the risk of coming across as too forward, rarely do we ask questions that reveal any information of substance. So how can we tell if someone is right for us? According to a relationship psychologist, asking this one cliche question will reveal all you need to know about your new potential lover – “Why are you still single?” Phrased as a compliment yet capable of revealing truths about someone, the question actually has the ability to predict “future relationship health,” according to Dr Robert Maurer.
So why does this one question prove compatibility more than any shared interests? According to Dr Maurer, how your date answers this question reveals a lot about them – but especially if they don’t take the blame for their singleness.
For example, Dr Maurer suggests listening closely to see if: “As they relate the stories of their last relationship(s) are they taking any responsibility for choosing poorly or not having the right skills at that point in their lives? Are they taking any responsibility for the last relationship not working?”
If they are not taking any blame, but instead playing the victim, Dr Maurer believes you should run – because you should “look for someone who is willing to look inside for the source of the problem and for solutions, nothing is more vital for a relationship to thrive.” But if they take the question as a compliment, and reveal that they are capable of recognising their part in the end of their last relationship, your relationship may work out in the long run.
However, it doesn’t appear finding out whether someone has the potential to be your soulmate is that foolproof – because some dating app users revealed the question can actually be quite offensive. According to Lisa Bonos, asking someone why they are still single presumes something is wrong with them – as well as presuming the person doesn’t want to be single. And, according to Bonos, the question is more offensive to women because they are often pressured to settle down and have children, pressures less likely to be put on men. So if you do plan on asking your new date why they are single, we recommend phrasing it as complimentary as possible.
